I Am A Butterfly

I have been feeling stuck creatively for the last few weeks. As much as I try to not let my work define me, I find that when my projects take giant setbacks, I can’t help but feel that sense of failure creep in.

There is so much uncertainty in producing. There is so much that I can’t control. I really like clarity. I like when things are black and white. I like when things are transparent. 

Producing is pretty much the opposite of all those things that I like. There is a ton of gray. Everything is uncertain. No one truly has control… and very few people are transparent.

So I sit at my desk, staring at my computer, on the phone… and I try and push things forward and problem solve. I try not to get too caught up in the drama and the hurdles of bureaucracy. I try not to take it personally.

But when you’ve been working on each project for over a year, and just when you think they are about to go forward, another roadblock comes up… it’s hard to stay positive. 

So I remind myself.

I am in transformation.

I am building a second career.

This is reinvention.

I am in a cocoon working all by myself trying to make something beautiful.

And I am comforted by the prophecy of this quote:

Your time as a caterpillar has expired. Your wings are ready.